I've spent a lot of life pandering to people who don't respect me. I was hoping that if I pleased them, or pleased the group enough, I would be able to gain recognition. I've lost myself in that pursuit too many days.
The worst part is sometimes it works. There is a payoff, I get a little recognition or attention, and it feels like I have more control. It feels great! It's addicting. But just as much, sometimes, I feel made out as a fool; then I will do whatever I can to hide from that pain.
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