10 Reason my life is stinking great

My life is stinking great.

Here are 10 reasons why my life is better than the average American:

1. I don't feel the need to compare my life with the lives of others. I'd still feel rich, even if everyone had more money and stuff than me.

2. I feel rich through things that most take for granted -- things such as my mp3 player, the public library, the trail by my house, the internet, my health, my friendships.

3. I'm satisfied with my possessions -- ( but there are still things I'd like to have)

4. I'm happy with the person that I've chosen to become. I don't spend time thinking, if only I was more.... or if only I had... I used to think like that. (but I still want to grow)

5. I don't spend my time doing things that make me unhappy. I'll get paid more when I'm older, in a job I enjoy. My time now is worth more than $10 bucks an hour.

6. I let my world create itself. I find I frequently surprise me on how great things can turn out when I'm spontaneous and let nature takes its course.

7. I'm happy with this moment now. I'm not waiting for the weekend or my vacation or anything else.

8. Almost everyday I have moments where I feel really happy for basically no reason at all. It's great.

9. My favorite color is maroon, which has nothing to do with purple. My favorite color is also invisible. And dark orange.

10. I'm excited for my future, yet I'm not waiting for it.

When is Now?

Last night I went to bed earlier than usual. This morning at 7:30 I woke up, and it was cloudy. It was a very odd feeling to realize that I was not sure if it was 7:30 am or 7:30 pm, and I had no real indications of either direction.

Every Moment of Everyday

I often think that I want to make the best of each moment of each day. Yet, I don't. And when I think about this thought, it usually makes me slow down, and take too long to do anything.

Sometimes it's better to not know -- Part 3

(Note: This is not a current event, but I need to add to the story)
Actually there is something to lose:

I missed it yesterday: My chance to have a real conversation with her. She walked past me and said, "Howdy." Who says that? Well, I don't. I said "Hi." And that was that.
I wanted to talk to her. I already had to endure the weekend without doing so. How dare she sneak up on me then walk away? I wasn't ready!
She's so mmm-perfect... I know she is just like me and we get one another. Plain and simple. But she's over there; I'm afraid I'll mess it up... What if I say the wrong thing? It'll ruin everything. I'm nervous. What if she thinks I'm a dork? Now I'm getting sick of me. I'm afraid to look at her and I'm nervous.

I steal a peek; she looks back.

As I keep working I plan what we'll say: The words, they ricochet in my mind repeatedly; the phrases are broken and spread like a shattered mirror on the tile: I whisper them under my breath to see if they are real. Five minutes. I need to talk to her, and I have five minutes.

I can do this! I imagine going and talking to her for the second time: She smiles and then laughs. The puffs of steam from the dish washer mess up her hair. She tells me something playfully. I tease her. We connect. --- That felt great! Imagining the scene must be at least a third as good as actually living it. In my mind its perfect; surreal. Beyond reality. Hmm...

Wait. I got distracted. Where'd she go? As I casually/frantically hunt, my countenances falls. I'm getting that feeling that comes when you turn back from the diving board. I hate missed opportunities. Too much.

Tomorrow. I know it.

Proverb

Rules have to be understood to be effectively defied.
--Me

Sometimes It's better to not know -- Part 2

Imaginary infatuation

She told me her name. After 36 hours of wondering, and 2.5 hours of waiting for the right moment we spoke. Her name spitefully hurled the placeholder I'd pretended, forcefully making room in my skull for reality.

One step back: I saw her for the first time, yesterday. Like all people I've seen or met, she entered my universe, unexpectedly, possibly serendipitously, and was under the mallet of my judgment almost instantaneously. I began to not only judge but to create a counterfeit of her in my mind as I saw fit. I'm wondering now if I want her to be that ideal which I made for myself, or if I want her to be herself. I shortsightedly lean to my fiction.

I've long ago fallen in love with her; the perfect girl. She sits on a pedestal in my mind. Each time I meet her, she turns out to be someone else, someone I know nothing about. Expectations, hopes, passions. This stranger has them, yet I'm unenlightened.

Another side of me is thrilled by this. Someone whom I don't understand! What can I discover? I'll try my best to learn her secrets, but not exploit them. Why does just thinking about that make me feel more complete?

I'm torn between the girl I love and trust, and someone whom I've met today. Do I keep searching the girl that is the closest possible match to my perfection, then settle, or do I learn to love a stranger?

Today I met a girl. Her name is Kylee. She has blue eyes, and she loves people. She claims she has ADHD, because her job is going to get boring to her someday.

Interesting...

Obligation

I have moments when I ask myself, "How could I possibly be this happy? Am I cheating the system, because I don't deserve this." Then like an hour later, I feel lame, or bored, or hungry etc. But at those moments, I'm confused; I have a slew of needs unsatisfied. Needs. Or at least it feels that way. Oh well.